No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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