I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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