The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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