the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think people are normalizing furries
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
