Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize