fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
