there's paper in my vomit.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
