I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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