Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
