mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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