So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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