Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
