After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
