Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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