i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
