There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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