Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
