Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
