We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
