if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
