just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
