Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
