I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
where am i from again
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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