I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
