i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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