so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
