Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
