I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize