the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
