Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
