I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
