omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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