i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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