my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Randomize
