apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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