So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
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