dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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