oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
