I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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