i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize