If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just tell him i said nine months
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
