well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
