I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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