I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
