Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
