Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
