Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
