When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
