I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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