I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
