Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
