It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
