Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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