I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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