how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
