Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
