At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
