You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize