chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
