Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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