do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize