Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
