Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
