Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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