Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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