you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
