I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think my moral compass just broke
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
