You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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