Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
