I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
