yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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