I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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