Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
