I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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