If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
