So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
