I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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