Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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