is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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