Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
