in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
