are you so shy because you have an std?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
