my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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