Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
