She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
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