i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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