No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i think my mom watched the whole time
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
