I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
