I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's rum buckets o'clock
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
