He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Randomize
