I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
