i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
