I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
